KKM Pirates!
by tigersilver
Summary: AU! A silly little shaggy fishtale from the high seas! Gwendal/Yuuri yes, alright; Yuuri/Wolfram, too


PSOH _Pirates!_

Characters/Pairing: Yuuri/Gwendal (Yuuri/Wolfram implied)  
Prompt/Theme: The Totally Promiscous KKM Pairing Machine (dress, ship water)  
Rating: R (barely)

When Yuuri came to, he was wearing a dress obviously borrowed from Cheri: low-cut, revealing, excessively tight—fire-engine red. He was bound as well, hands pulled high over his bared shoulders and lashed with sturdy leather cords to an equally sturdy mortise-and-tenon joint, and finally, he was moving.

Or rather, the ground was moving. The whole world was moving and Yuuri could smell the salt left by its passing. He was on a ship. A creaky, wooden ship.

"Oww!" His arms hurt and the scarlet silk that cocooned him was just as uncomfortable as his restraints. "Sheesh! What did I get myself into _this_ time?"

"Don't ye mean ter say, what did '_you_' get us'n's into, Yuuri Heika? It's a fine kettle 'o fish, it t'is."

"Gwendal?!"

The demon buccaneer standing before him bowed mockingly, sneered cruelly and adjusted his obligatory eye patch and red-and-green parrot. He looked pained.

"None other, Heika, at yer pleasure. Ar-har-_har_! Thanks be to ye damnable curiosity and infuriatin' meddlin', I be under an ill-omened geas–ar-har-haar-haaar-_harrumph_!"

"Gesundheit," Yuuri said automatically, as that last noise Gwendal made was remarkably like a sneeze.

Yuuri's wide black eyes went even wider as he considered his Commander-in-Chief. Gwendal was acting strangely, that was for sure, especially his new way of laughing—it was more like a gleeful cackle than any sound of amusement Yuuri had ever heard coming from Gwendal before. Come to think of it, he'd never heard _any _sounds of amusement coming from Gwendal, so that was a little weird all by itself. Then there was Gwendal's sudden predilection for knee-length leather boots and big-buttoned coats with frilly, lace-up shirts that showed a great deal of manly chest. And what was a 'geas', anyway?

"A spell, a curse, ye blasted landlubber. Don't ye know _nothing_?" Gwendal leered. And _winked_.

An uncomfortable minute passed, what with Yuuri sagging in his ropes thoughtfully and Gwendal's face frozen into a maniacal rictus of piratical humor. Then one of those ingenious Earth lightbulbs appeared over the Maou's artfully mussed black head and lit up the whole of the dank smelly cabin where Yuuri was imprisoned.

"Oh! I get it now! That silver ship's sextant I touched at the Shin Makoku Magical Maritime History Museum – I shouldn't have, right?"

The tall dark-haired demon wearing the very large hat winced at this understatement and raised his hook to soothe his overwrought parrot. Yuuri stared at the sharp curve of honed metal and finally discovered a tiny spark of fear fluttering in his midriff. That hook looked remarkably real. In fact, an awful lot of this weird dream—nightmare—_curse_ seemed to be very, very detailed. _Real_, even.

"Nay, t'is a pity for _you_, such a fine flash laddie. _You'll_ be the one a'payin' the price for it." The wink was just as dangerous as the hook, mayhap more so. Yuuri gasped under the knowing look in those blue eyes. He felt a little thrill tickle his midsection and it wasn't a belch, either.

"G-G-Gwendal?"

"Aye, aye, you shouldn't oughta 'ave done that, me pretty little matey, for now I have to ravage you as me _plunde_r—"

Gwendal, Yuuri decided, was really very convincing as a pirate, especially with his lip curled like that – _too_ convincing! And this word 'plunder'—what did Gwendal mean by that, exactly?

"As is right and honest by our Pirate's Code!" his Commander-in-Chief was chortling.

"Huh?"

"Me men expect it, Heika; t'is the First Mate's sworn duty to test the spoils 'o pillage 'n plunder afore they do. You wouldn'a want me to disappoint me own laddies, would'ya?"

Yuuri Heika's normally dour Commander-in-Chief strode forward, his rapier clanking, the bright feather on his floppy hat flopping. Yuuri thought that at first Gwendal staggered a little like a puppet on tangled strings, drawn toward Yuuri against his will, but then the grey-haired demon found his pirate's rollicking gait and swaggered right up to the finish, ending up entirely too close for his captive's comfort. Yuuri flinched back at the last moment, forgetting the flimsy dress he wore, and pressed the length of his nearly naked spine up against the wooden post.

"Oooh!" he gasped again, completely forgetting to say anything useful that might shed more light on this weird situation. He blamed that on Gwendal's shirt, which was mostly unlaced.

"Ah-har-har-har-har! Me pretty!"

Bright blue eyes lit up like lanterns; evidently certain parts of Gwendal very much liked what cowered before them, even if other parts of Gwendal might be really embarrassed and shy. Like Yuuri was, wearing a skimpy red dress that probably screamed 'Come hither, sailor-boy!'

"W-wait! What are you doing?" Yuuri shrieked, but to no avail. The man—_pirate_, because, gosh, Gwendal really _was _a pirate now—loomed, tall, dark and handsome. Kind of mouthwatering, even. Yuuri could've smacked himself for that idea, wherever _it _came from.

"Gwendal!"

With one daring swipe of a nicely tanned hand, the dress was ripped right off him and suddenly Yuuri's nose was pressed against a broad manly chest that smelt of sea salt and leather. For once, it wasn't covered in sober green cloth. A quick nervous glance downward revealed two more things of relative importance to Yuuri: one, he was wearing garters and black silk stockings under the dress. Two, there was a sizeable lump in Gwendal's breeches that was not in any possible alternate universe a gun.

Gwendal _was _glad to see him.

"...Ravage?" Yuuri whimpered. He fluttered his luxuriant black eyelashes and looked up.

"Aye, little one," Gwendal growled. "Ravage." It was a very nice growl, Yuuri found a small girly part of himself deciding—kind of a turn-on. In a strange way.

Gwendal's beaky nose snuffled into Yuuri's blushing ear, which was also—oddly—a turn-on. The boy realized he should be strenuously resisting this aberrant behaviour or at least morphing into his Super-Maou form and defending himself, but he was still hesitant – what if he hurt Gwendal in the process? Plus...he was kind of...erm, intrigued?

White teeth closed on Yuuri's earlobe while he was still fidgeting. The taller demon chuckled, as if he'd found something tasty, and the warmth of his breath sent a delicious shiver through his not entirely unwilling captive. Panic set in for real this time, but Yuuri's parted mouth was indeed plundered quite thoroughly before he could even squeak a protest.

Tongue, thrusting. Chapped lips, clinging. Moist heat and the insistent weight of what was definitely _not_ either a gun or a sword hilt firmly pressed into his groin. Yum.

"Um...m...mmm," Yuuri sighed, a long minute later, smacking his lips. "That's nice. Do it again." Pirate Gwendal did, not even stopping to _ar-har-har_ first.

Gwendal was as good of a kisser as his youngest brother was, in Yuuri's opinion. He felt positively rejuvenated, even spritely, despite the partial nudity and the leather ropes. Humming contentedly under his breath, he snuggled against the warm bare chest as much as he was able, still being tied up. This was nice—_really _nice. He could see doing this more often.

Then it struck him, the similarity between brothers. Like a bucket of ice-cold salt water. _Two _buckets. _Hoo-boy_!

"Oh, _shit_!"

The teenaged Maou tore himself backward, wrenching his titillated person out of the dark-haired demon's clutches, his black velvet eyes utterly terrified – and furious. Gwendal was definitely _not_ himself; he didn't even flinch at the blue-silver sparkly bits in the air that generally presaged a surprise visit from Mr. Super Maou himself.

"_Where's Wolfram?!_"

The skin around the pirate's amazingly blue eyes crinkled with pent-up laughter. Or maybe that weird light in them was hysteria. _Whatever,_ Maou Yuuri decided—_he'd had enough_! Er—not enough, really, but way more than he should've! Wolf-chan was going to skin him alive!

Finally, actually angry, though not really at poor Gwendal, who was _cursed_, for Shinou's Sake, Yuuri struggled with intent this time, ripping his bruised wrists out of the ropes and visibly growing an inch or two. He pushed the larger demon away forcefully and nearly stamped on his Commander's booted foot in an excess of Maouish temper at the whole _stupid_ situation.

Any situation that left him this frustrated was definitely 'stupid'!

Gwendal, who was definitely affected by this horrible, terrible curse and no doubt about it, absolutely howled at his Maou's tantrum, shaking with hilarity, driven so off-balance by ironic situational humor that he had to grab at Yuuri's wooden post to keep his sea legs under him. Giggling and snorting, he hung on with whitened knuckles, trying to catch his breath.

"Where. Is. _Wolfram_!?" Yuuri-the-Super-Maou demanded. The scraps of red silk and sheer stockings really just added to his uber-hot Demon King appeal. Wolf would've approved, had he been there—just before he wrapped Yuuri in a drab brown muumuu and locked him away in the hold for the remainder of the voyage.

Oh, absolutely, Yuuri wanted an answer about this whole silly mess, right now! For that matter, so did Super Maou. Mostly 'cause Yuuri knew his jealous fiancé was going to flay him alive for several things and laying hands on that cursed silver sextant thingie was the very least of them. Laying hands on Gwendal was a biggie, however. Not going to be easy talking his way out of that one, was it? 'Specially with a raging hard-on a garter did nothing to hide! Sheesh! Stupid _curses_!

First Mate Gwendal obliged, as he always did for his beloved Heika, still doing his damndest to choke back the giggles.

"Funny you should ask that, Heika—ar-har-har-_har_! H-He's the bloody, bloomin' _Captain____, he is_! Don't you know—_he_ gets a crack at you _next_!"

"What?!" Yuuri was stunned, as if some salty dog had just slapped him sideways with a stray flounder. And, erm, also..._intrigued_?

"But-but-_but_," Gwendal snorted, nearly helpless with racking laughter, "har-har-har—only _arter _he's done heavin' his lilywhite guts up! Hope you don' mind a bucket along sides your ravagin'—poor little boyo never _did_ take a hankerin' to a'sailin' the Seven Seas!"


End file.
